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Problems being a girl gamer

Last post 08-27-2009 9:44 AM by Galen_Rasputin. 56 replies.
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  • 08-19-2009 11:01 PM In reply to

    • atstepchild
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    Re: Problems being a girl gamer

    Scatterspell:

     pink, fluffly, bunny RPGs by default.  

    The last bunny RPG I saw was far from fluffy or pink... it was pretty brutal.

    Quote from Dragons of the Dwarven Depths, p259 ... Tas and Tanis talking after Tas says a prayer for the massacred Gully Dwarves.
    "It was good of you to think of that," said Tanis. "None of the rest of us did."
    "You're busy thinking big things," said Tas. "I keep track of the small stuff."

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  • 08-20-2009 5:40 AM In reply to

    • Bubba Ho-Tep
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    Re: Problems being a girl gamer

    And these types of guys wonder why they can't get a date, let alone a girl friend.  I was in a game one time and a fellow player started really berating the only woman in the game to no end, so I passed a not eto the GM telling him I wanted to off his character.  After about 10 min. the GM passed me a note bass, "Feel free".  I really hate guys that do this and will not sit still for it, so guys be forewarned, if you are in a game with me do not mess with the ladies playing in the game.  Nuff said.

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  • 08-20-2009 6:56 AM In reply to

    • tehana
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    Re: Problems being a girl gamer

    I've had awful experiences gaming with men. Its most of the reason you'll never see me playing in a game at Gencon (Except for that one time at KFG Wed. Gaming) because geek guys tend to treat women different. Its given me such anxiety about playing I only will do it with Andy now. And don't even get me started with being treated different in the dealers hall. I just gave up caring. I didn't even play one demo this year. Wasn't worth my time to tell someone that I wasn't mentally challenged and probably did understand not only how to roll a dice but also what the result likely meant.

     

    A fun story about a GM I did have that treated me differently. I was in a very long L5R d20 game and the DM kept giving me crap about making my character a Geisha rogue. So his big mean samurai that he had been building up for weekds? I stole his Katana and he had to commit Sepiku. Take. That.

  • 08-20-2009 7:03 AM In reply to

    • NascragMan
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    Re: Problems being a girl gamer

    It's perplexing to me read that girls are still having these problems.  Maybe it's because Nascrag is run by a woman (All hail the Squirrel Queen!) or because half our judges are women.  The sexist crap doesn't fly at our tables though.  Certainly not at the ones I run or have played at.

  • 08-20-2009 7:08 AM In reply to

    • Mossi
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    Re: Problems being a girl gamer

     It goes both ways too. You don't want to be patronized by either side of the fence.  "Oh you're a girl, let me explain things slowly and get you a pink bunny."  And on the other hand "Oh you're a girl, everyone better be nice to you or they'll have me to face." We don't need protecting or explaining. The problem may be that because the ratio of women to men at GenCon is so disparate, the issue of sex always arises, and the tendency of the males at GenCon to be somewhat socially awkward around women continues.  I am not going to be rude to them, because these guys need to learn that women are still human, and not just "hotties" or "gamer widows" or whatever.  We're people.  Don't make assumptions about me and I won't make them about you. 

  • 08-20-2009 7:18 AM In reply to

    • DocAvers
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    Re: Problems being a girl gamer

    tehana:

    I've had awful experiences gaming with men. Its most of the reason you'll never see me playing in a game at Gencon (Except for that one time at KFG Wed. Gaming) because geek guys tend to treat women different.

     

    To have this be the thing that turns someone off to gaming, that makes me upset.

    Tehana - I've been told I'm a good DM, and I like to think I'm not sexist. If you like D&D (running Pathfinder and 4E for 2010 through BYOV), give me a chance to get you back into table-top fantasy gaming?

    (Of course, I can't say what other players I'll draw.) 

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  • 08-20-2009 7:41 AM In reply to

    • RexCelestis
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    Re: Problems being a girl gamer

    tehana:
    I've had awful experiences gaming with men. Its most of the reason you'll never see me playing in a game at Gencon
     

    I will throw into this thread that there is good, non-sexist gaming out there. My regular tabletop group is split 50/50 among the sexes, with all of us recognizing the talents, knowledge, and input of the others.The larger LARPing community aroud Chicago includes all sorts of folks and bigatry and sexism are not long tolerated, at least in my expereience.

    I don't think my wife's had an unpleasant experience specifically around gaming.  Plenty in the real word, though.


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  • 08-20-2009 7:52 AM In reply to

    • Sherilyn
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    Re: Problems being a girl gamer

    Mossi:
      It goes both ways too. You don't want to be patronized by either side of the fence.  "Oh you're a girl, let me explain things slowly and get you a pink bunny."  And on the other hand "Oh you're a girl, everyone better be nice to you or they'll have me to face." We don't need protecting or explaining. The problem may be that because the ratio of women to men at GenCon is so disparate, the issue of sex always arises, and the tendency of the males at GenCon to be somewhat socially awkward around women continues.  I am not going to be rude to them, because these guys need to learn that women are still human, and not just "hotties" or "gamer widows" or whatever.  We're people.  Don't make assumptions about me and I won't make them about you. 

    Thank you, that's exactly what I was thinking as well.

    Guys, while I appreciate that you want to defend us if we're being treated poorly... all it does it really add to the problem. You are reinforcing the thought that women aren't capable of taking care of themselves or being able to defend themselves in a rough situation.  If someone is being a jerk or condescending then I can take matters into my own hands.  Big Smile 

  • 08-20-2009 7:56 AM In reply to

    • chemrebel
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    Re: Problems being a girl gamer

    Our normal group of D&D/Magic/whatever I can trick them into playing for once besides that... is all spouses, so a 50/50 there as well.  When you're within your own group of friends and regulars everything goes well.  It's getting out into new groups and gamers that has the potential to get ugly.  But it also has the potential to be awesome, which is why I'm still here.  

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  • 08-20-2009 8:20 AM In reply to

    • Generichick
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    Re: Problems being a girl gamer

    Scatterspell:

     Wait.  Wait

    WAIT!

    Women aren't clueless?  Damn, that may explain why I get slapped so often.

    But seriously, I'll never understand why some guys think having innies instead of outies makes someone less capable of understanding.  Or that it makes you want pink, fluffly, bunny RPGs by default.  

    Is it truly that hard to talk to someone before assuming things?

     

     

    See, pink fluffy bunnies?  Yes.  They are cute.  I don't want them in a game.

    If I'm playing vampire and you toss pink bunnies at me, I'm going to eat them.  

    Bah.

     

     

    Mossi:

     It goes both ways too. You don't want to be patronized by either side of the fence.  "Oh you're a girl, let me explain things slowly and get you a pink bunny."  And on the other hand "Oh you're a girl, everyone better be nice to you or they'll have me to face." We don't need protecting or explaining. The problem may be that because the ratio of women to men at GenCon is so disparate, the issue of sex always arises, and the tendency of the males at GenCon to be somewhat socially awkward around women continues.  I am not going to be rude to them, because these guys need to learn that women are still human, and not just "hotties" or "gamer widows" or whatever.  We're people.  Don't make assumptions about me and I won't make them about you. 



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  • 08-20-2009 8:27 AM In reply to

    • voltbang
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    Re: Problems being a girl gamer

    Mossi:
    and the tendency of the males at GenCon to be somewhat socially awkward around women continues

     Sometimes it's not just "around women". Some of our tribe are socially awkward, or worse, around everyone.

     My wife was in a rogue judges car wars game with me a few years back and there was a guy who was being a gigantic flaming jerk towards her. It was to the point where several players took the opportunity to shoot him instead of better targets, just because he was being so annoying. He whined and rules lawyered, but he was out of the game. I ended up with him in another game, and found out, he wasn't behaving that way because there was a woman at the table, he found someone to act that way towards at every game he was in. His fate was very similar there too, he got the cold shoulder, the spare ammo and a very low score.

     --

       Getting interrupted when I am explaining a game drives me nuts, and we have two people in our regular gaming group who do it every chance they get. With one I tell him, "let me know when you are done explaining the game" and I walk away. He's not bad at explaining. The other I can't do that with, because even with games he knows, he just doesn't have a good teaching style, and will often try to explain games he doesn't know how to play. Again, gender irrelevant, it's just a trait some gamers have. They can't stand to let anyone else have the floor for that long.

  • 08-20-2009 8:34 AM In reply to

    • DocAvers
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    Re: Problems being a girl gamer

    Generichick:

    See, pink fluffy bunnies?  Yes.  They are cute.  I don't want them in a game.



    This gives me ideas for a D&D pre-gen background. She wanted to be a paladin, but when the Church of Heironeous found out she was a woman, their listening skills plumeted and they sent her away with pink fluffy bunny!
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  • 08-20-2009 9:08 AM In reply to

    • Bubba Ho-Tep
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    Re: Problems being a girl gamer

    Sherilyn:

    Mossi:
      It goes both ways too. You don't want to be patronized by either side of the fence.  "Oh you're a girl, let me explain things slowly and get you a pink bunny."  And on the other hand "Oh you're a girl, everyone better be nice to you or they'll have me to face." We don't need protecting or explaining. The problem may be that because the ratio of women to men at GenCon is so disparate, the issue of sex always arises, and the tendency of the males at GenCon to be somewhat socially awkward around women continues.  I am not going to be rude to them, because these guys need to learn that women are still human, and not just "hotties" or "gamer widows" or whatever.  We're people.  Don't make assumptions about me and I won't make them about you. 

    Thank you, that's exactly what I was thinking as well.

    Guys, while I appreciate that you want to defend us if we're being treated poorly... all it does it really add to the problem. You are reinforcing the thought that women aren't capable of taking care of themselves or being able to defend themselves in a rough situation.  If someone is being a jerk or condescending then I can take matters into my own hands.  Big Smile 

    I think that depends on the woman.  Some women are more assertive than others and some feel intimidated bu the guys.  There are some of you here that I would pay money to see a guy try that crap on, 'cause I know what the end result would be.

    Don't make me use myself on you baby!

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  • 08-21-2009 6:03 AM In reply to

    • Stran Ger
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    Re: Problems being a girl gamer

    Mossi:

    ...And on the other hand "Oh you're a girl, everyone better be nice to you or they'll have me to face." We don't need protecting or explaining. 

    I ran into this part at the con.  Someone I had met had a terrible run of luck at GenCon and I just wanted to make everything better for her.

    Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until they speak.
  • 08-21-2009 8:06 AM In reply to

    • Ripley
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    Re: Problems being a girl gamer

    Bubba Ho-Tep:

    Sherilyn:

    Mossi:
      

    I think that depends on the woman.  Some women are more assertive than others and some feel intimidated bu the guys.  There are some of you here that I would pay money to see a guy try that crap on, 'cause I know what the end result would be.

    *Bounces giddily*  Ooohhhhh, pick me pick me!! 

  • 08-21-2009 9:08 AM In reply to

    • Scatterspell
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    Re: Problems being a girl gamer

    Generichick:

    Scatterspell:

     Wait.  Wait

    WAIT!

    Women aren't clueless?  Damn, that may explain why I get slapped so often.

    But seriously, I'll never understand why some guys think having innies instead of outies makes someone less capable of understanding.  Or that it makes you want pink, fluffly, bunny RPGs by default.  

    Is it truly that hard to talk to someone before assuming things?

     

     

    See, pink fluffy bunnies?  Yes.  They are cute.  I don't want them in a game.

    If I'm playing vampire and you toss pink bunnies at me, I'm going to eat them.  

    Bah.


     

    mmmmmm squishy pink fluffy bunnies!   Do you prefer them grilled or fried?

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  • 08-21-2009 11:00 AM In reply to

    • Generichick
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    Re: Problems being a girl gamer

    Generichick:

    Scatterspell:


    See, pink fluffy bunnies?  Yes.  They are cute.  I don't want them in a game.

    If I'm playing vampire and you toss pink bunnies at me, I'm going to eat them.  

    Bah.


     

    mmmmmm squishy pink fluffy bunnies!   Do you prefer them grilled or fried?

     

     

    Grilled, or broiled if you'd rather ;)

    If you brought me some next Gen Con, I would be in love.  Cross Fingers

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  • 08-21-2009 11:05 AM In reply to

    • Mossi
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    Re: Problems being a girl gamer

    Generichick:

    If you brought me some next Gen Con, I would be in love.  Cross Fingers

     

    With the bunnies or with Scatterspell?  

  • 08-21-2009 11:10 AM In reply to

    • Hawkwinter
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    Re: Problems being a girl gamer

    Mossi:

    Generichick:

    If you brought me some next Gen Con, I would be in love.  Cross Fingers

     

    With the bunnies or with Scatterspell?  

    I would suspect a strange combination of the two....

    But only if Generichick goes for that French Renaissance Powdered sugar look we all loved at the fair :)


  • 08-21-2009 11:12 AM In reply to

    • ivywitch
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    Re: Problems being a girl gamer

    I'm a girl gamer who has never had a problem with sexism at GenCon; but maybe this will change if the crew I roll with really decide to run the games we love.  Granted, I tend to like stabby characters, will play male characters if anyone starts getting too eyes-on at the game table, and I'm loud.  

    I'm about as sensitive as a stone.  

    Bring on the sexism.  I'll bring sandwichs!  Pft.  

    ...the sky is deeper than the sea.
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